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Since
my exposure and until today, I have appeared in the media many
times. There is almost no type of media I have not appeared on at
least once - television, radio, written journalism, internet and so
on. My main purpose for appearing was to end the stigma on consumers
and to actually tell my personal story, a human story about another
man who went on the familiar and known Israeli route, the salt of
the earth who served in the military as an officer, traveled to
South America, studied at university, started a family, and despite
all of this, his fate worsened and he had to go through an out of
the ordinary experience that undermined the entire world he had
built and known until that point, and to actually show that this
sort of experience can happen to anybody without regard to the
social-economical status, ethnicity, age, family situation or mental
history of some kind.
To my
surprise, most of the people who have approached me following this
exposure were actually the family members of consumers going through
similar or other cases and events. I expected to be approached by
the consumers themselves, but it seems it is easier for the people
close to the consumers to contact someone who may be able to help
them in their time of need. Most of the people who approached me
requested to learn from my experience and asked me for different
advice and ideas about how to cope with the new situation they have
unwillingly been thrown into, they and the rest of the house
members. Therefore, I decided to write this article in order to
summarize the principles of my
recommendations to consumers'
families, who are forced to cope with a new situation unfamiliar to
them, from my own personal experience and from what I have learnt
from others.
One
of the main questions I get asked is - what do you do with a
consumer who refuses to take medication and/or alternatively takes
medication but as soon as they feel well, they throw them straight
into the bin, which eventually leads to a "revolving door"
phenomenon - repeated hospitalization. To my joy and to the anguish
of others who do not agree with me, you cannot force a person to
take medication and do things against his will, excluding cases of
forced hospitalization or through various treatments in the closed
wards which harm basic human rights. You can, however, speak to the
heart of the consumer, talk to him often, and explain to him that he
has a problem which he must take care of. This may also be a problem
for life. He must understand that he has no other choice and he must
take care of himself. We (the family) cannot be his policemen, the
new situation exhausts us and takes away all existing energy. It is
possible and desirable to also seek
psychological treatment which
will help the consumer to understand the new situation, to speak
about it and to find ways to cope with it. It is also possible to
turn to people close and dear to the consumer so that they will
speak to his heart and convince him to behave otherwise. The
situation is that there are consumers who require hospitalization
only once or do not even get hospitalized, in order to understand
they have a problem and must persist with the treatment.
Unfortunately, most of the consumers will not internalize this
throughout their entire life and will be forced to visit the
appropriate hospitals again and again as a result of what I have
described. Bottom line is - you should speak to the consumers'
intelligence and emotions and not put pressure or make threats of
any kind on him in order to not cause the exact opposite effect.
This situation leaves no choice, and imagination needs to be put to
use in order to find the way to the consumer's heart in order to
help him understand the new situation.
Just
like a building, so too in a consumer's life can 4 central
supporting pillars be identified. Like a building, if one of the
pillars collapses or is unstable, he will have a problem to
withstand an earthquake which could easily destroy him. The four
supporting pillars and other pillars constructed during the
consumers' life, are the proven recipe to a quick recovery. There
are those who are lucky enough to understand this principle early on
and construct more pillars and thus the building he builds is more
stable, and there are those who are left with weak and unstable
pillars. Each pillar is important and every person may decide on the
order of priority of the different pillars. The four main pillars
are:
Family - A
supportive family helps greatly with daily coping with
the illness, whether by contact with the consumer, or mental help,
emotional support, love, compassion, understanding and financial
support. All these are extremely important in coping. Unfortunately,
there is a common phenomenon whereby family and friends disconnect
from a consumer who has experienced a mental event. To be blunt,
there are many consumers who are "thrown away to the dogs" after
suffering a mental crisis. The wife abandons the struggle; family,
friends, they all forget that this is a human being, sometimes their
own flesh and blood, and they sentence him to live alone and deal
with the illness all by himself. Precisely during this time of need,
the support of the people closest to him is important and it is
essential to maintain constant contact with him.
Intimate Relationships - a supporting, loving, understanding and
positive relationship is effective and very helpful in coping. The
partner who gives everything which I have mentioned, ensures a full,
enjoyable, effective and good life for himself and his other half.
This attitude should be mutual and the partner must never feel at
any time that he is actually in the role of a caretaker and not in
the role of a life-companion. Unfortunately, most consumers find
themselves without a partner even if before the crisis they had a
healthy relationship. The new situation forces many couples to break
up the relationship and to actually leave the consumer alone in the
battle. There are many consumers who are not lucky enough to ever
meet a suitable partner and are forced to remain on their own for
many years. Relationships also carry a heavy weight in the life of
the consumer and anyone who is interested may read an entire chapter
I have written in the past regarding relationships.
Occupation – keeping occupied and/or having a steady job forces the
consumer to return to a lifestyle as normal as possible.
Occupation
provides each person with a purpose in life. There is something to
wake up to every morning. Occupations can and should give
satisfaction to those involved therein, it can give the consumer a
source of income beyond any budget he receives, it forces him to get
out of bed and do things for himself which are positive for the mind
and body. There is nothing like creation and activity in order to
release things that burden the soul. It compels the consumer to take
care of himself and not to lose it. In this way he will actually
carry on with the treatment and not take it lightly, since he will
fear loosing his place of occupation/income. Occupation need not
necessarily be a place of work, it can also be a hobby, volunteer
work and, in fact, any routine and permanent activity beyond eating
and sleeping. The occupation needs to be an active activity, not a
passive activity such as watching television. Any activity which
takes the consumer out of his four walls and causes him to be
involved in activities which will make him forget about the illness
and actually give him positive goals in life - is blessed.
Treatment - There is nothing like suitable treatment in order to
keep the consumer out of any trouble. You can compare treatment to a
bullet-proof vest worn by a soldier. It is used as a protective vest
against pressures and all sorts of triggers which may cause the
illness to come out of its remission (rest) state. It is important
to remember that usually the consumer suffers from disorders such
anxiety, psychosis, depression, mania, etc. for only 3%-5% of his
life, and the rest of the time he is in remission. In order to
maintain the state of remission for as long as possible, the
treatment must be suited to each and every person. One
person's
treatment need not necessarily be similar to another person's
treatment and it is usually different from the treatment received by
another consumer. The smart thing to do is to reach an optimal
dosage that will not overload the body systems but will still be of
such a level that enables maintaining a state of remission. It is
important to have a finger on the pulse regarding the type of
treatment and its level in order to avoid unpleasant situations in
the future. Sometimes it takes a long time until the correct
treatment is found. It is important to not give up and to try and
change medication until you reach the correct medication at the
optimal dosage which will mostly do you good. Often, the families
are helpless in the treatment of their relatives in hospitals. It is
important to have a finger on the pulse and if any treatment is not
good, or fails in obtaining the desired results for the consumer -
do not keep quiet! If possible, you may wish to involve external
bodies, to send letters and to initiate an action which could lead
to the desired outcome. Such action could be, for example, sending a
letter to a hospital manager and/or alternatively hiring the
services of an external doctor to receive a professional opinion of
the most suitable treatment for the consumer.
In summary, there is no magical solution, one solution is
appropriate for one consumer, whereas a different solution is
appropriate for another consumer, there is no one magical formula
for everyone. It is important to be open-minded, to search and dig
up all existing information resources, to learn of all the illness
symptoms and most importantly - to not give up and break down. It is
further important to remember and understand that we are all flesh
and blood and what has happened to someone else may also happen to
us. We must keep our strength, and also give ourselves the mental
peace and quiet we deserve. It is important to remember that we as a
family also have lives of our own and a member of our family who has
suffered a mental breakdown cannot and must not cause us to break
down and devote our entire attention only to him, at the expense of
other people who also need our attention. He must understand that we
also have a life of our own and it is also our right to live it,
however you need not be extreme to either side. As with everything
in life, the correct balance needs to be found.
Written by Ronen David ©
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